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(Erik, you know Rosacea
can't be cured, but it can be treated!)
This isn't the first time Erik has
asked us to give him his own space on the site to keep his numerous
(seriously, 1 counts as a number) fans up to date with his daily
affairs during the season and between stints with the softball team
that brought him international stardom. Check back frequently for
updates...
Have a question or comment for Erik?
Send
it here.
NEW
- VIEW ERIK'S MYSPACE PAGE
Also see: 2004
State of Hair Address | 5/20/04
| 1/6/05 | 1/8/05
| 1/13/05 | 2/1/05
| 2/16/05 | 10/15/05
| 3/1/06 | Retiring?
July 13, 2007
Erik's Retirement Letter
 I’d
like to take this time to officially announce my retirement from
domination of Tufts League Softball . It has been a great run for
me but it’s time to hang up my red laced cleats. This might
be one of the toughest decisions for me since I was given the option
of dark red highlights mixed with low lights but it had to be done.
I have moved on and out of Boston. I decided to take a job with
an engineering firm in Fairfield, NJ and am currently living right
outside the city in Cresskill, NJ. There is no need to start the
rumor mill about either me moving away due to Dom’s engagement
or moving closer to Eddie. Eddie and I have only exchanged text
messages since I’ve been down here and have yet to force any
women to drink our Roofie Coolattas.
Now a little time to reflect on my many great accomplishments….
I came onto the team as just a young cocky handsome left fielder
with great hair and now as I leave you guys I’m pretty much
the same except that I’m a little older; but I still have
the same great hair and attitude.
To everyone that played with me, you’re welcome, I know I’ve
made everyone around me a better person and def. a better player.
Hopefully you guys will go on to have prosperous JPS careers.
My move is close enough and I’ll certainly be available to
come to Boston for my inevitable number retirement ceremony. See
you then….
Erik Astman
aka Your favorite power hitter's favorite power hitter
March 1, 2006
Off on the wrong foot perhaps?
So I just went to the site for the first time and read the interview
with my new "captains" (yes, I can read, picked it up
in the offseason, I'm not just beautiful eyes, great hair, big arms,
a great kisser, a great hitter, smooth as sandpaper, a great dresser,
always fun, the one guy MK can't get, better than Morgan, semi tolerant
of Jay, better looking then Dom). My name was only mentioned twice
by them. TWICE..... really??? That is no bueno (spanish for no good,
I'm bilingual, no big deal). I guess we could blame it on whoever
wrote the questions but as my "captains" they should have
known what readers wanted to see and know. So I put together the
real answers.....
JPS Online - This split has been a long time coming, how
do you like the way your roster has shaped up?
Real Answer - We're just really excited that we
were able to get Erik on board, after making the pre-draft trade
which consisted of:
JPS Classic: exclusive rights to Erik
JPS Chunky: First 5 picks in the draft and NOT Dom
JPS Online - You are taking over for two very successful
captains - Rube who brought this team together and got their first
championship, and Uncle Cliff who led them to two titles in three
years - what do you plan on doing similarly or differently from
them? How do you plan to live up to some pretty high expectations?
Real Answer - Expectations???? We have Erik. Look
at the math, it's a simple formula....... Erik + Great hair = Championship.
And we know he's going to have great hair so basically the championship
is a lock.
JPS Online - What player were you most surprised and satisfied
by getting?
Real Answer - So I guess your going to ask questions
with obvious answers. NEXT!!
JPS Online - What player on the other team are you not looking forward
to playing against?
Real Answer - Well not for performance reasons
but for the fact that it's kind of pathetic how she stares adoringly
at Erik..... Mary Kate
JPS Online - Two of the major journalistic contributors
to the site, Borat and the Deez, were split up in this process,
which team made out better on that deal?
Real Anwer - Well Erik has been super busy lately
so his contributions have been limited but you've got to look at
the big picture.... It's guaranteed perfection when we do get something
from him..... classic perhaps? (pun intended)
JPS Online - Do you have any predictions for your team this
season?
Real Answer - Unless something happens to Erik's
hair...... it's just simple math. CHAMPIONSHIP!
JPS Online - You were able to pick up Cheryl Milligan in
the draft, what do you think she will do for this new team, on and
off the field?
Real Answer - With her and Erik batting 3 and 4
in the lineup and telling Dom that the game is cancelled so he doesn't
show up, I think we look like the best team on earth or galaxy perhaps.
JPS Online - While both teams look solid, they are obviously
thinner than last year's single team. How are you planning on addressing
this? Are there any unconventional defensive alignments or batting
orders we might see?
Real Answer - We're flirting with two ideas here.
First..... Erik bats all the time and then the other players just
act as pinch runners. Second...... We play with only 9 players on
the field, we'd rather that then have Jay playing out there.
JPS Online - How do you see the chances of a JPS team taking the
title this season: Twice as many chances or twice as hard?
Real Answer - You know what's hard? Answering these
stupid questions..... Unless there is a middle of the night raid
with nair and razors on Erik's hair, this thing is a lock. We're
actually all going down to Red Bones right now to celebrate another
championship.
p.s. Do you think nair would help kill crabs?
Wow, that's what I'm talking about, that is good journalism!!!
Oh and one more thing before I go..... The new team name is now
going to be "Erik featuring The JPS Classic" I love the
sound of it, so if Morgan can just go ahead and make all the changes
to the site that would be great.
love,
Erik
aka The Formula
October 15, 2005
AKA - SWM seeks Natalie Portman for meaningfull LTR
So I haven't given everyone an update on my life in
a while so I figured I'd write in and keep you informed as to all
the major happenings. There are some major changes happening in
the Astman camp. There soon will be 2 new members joining the team.
First off it will be my future wife, Natalie Portman (I think she
may keep her last name) and our child to be. I'm hoping it's going
to be a boy so I could start him with his very intensive softball
training schedule ASAP, I wonder if I throw softballs at her stomach
while she's pregnant it will speed up the learning process. On second
thought maybe I shouldn't, I used that technique on my ex-girlfriend
(but that was cause I didn't want the kid, not so sure if it was
the softballs or the throwing her down the steps that did it).
I'm planning on having him in the batting cages by
summer '07. But before I do any of this I have to first meet Ms.
Portman and then some how trick her into thinking I'm actually worth
talking to. See, this is what happens to me when I don't go out
on a Friday night, I end up watching the movie Closer for a second
time that week and all my goals in life get changed (which actually
might be a good thing considering my previous goal in life was to
finish 10 beer cards (consisting of 75 beers) at the Parish Cafe
(I'm about to finish #8, because everyone needs 8 personalized 25oz.
beer mugs)).
So if you can't tell, I haven't been doing anything
exciting with my life, just school and work and making up totally
unachievable goals. Hey at least I'm not Abbey (that gives me something
to be happy about).
Erik
AKA - The soon to be prince of In Touch magazine, Star, People and
US Weekly
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